How it should have ended
Joey enters the apartment.
“Hey,” he says to Chandler, who’s at the verge of making a nice shot on the foosball table.
“Hey. Hold on a sec,” Chandler replies, holding up a finger. He makes the shot and looks pretty smug about it.
Joey nods in a very approving way.
“Nice.” he says.
“Nice.” Chandler replies, grinning.
“Hey, I got something for you.” Joey says, while he whips out an envelope.
Chandler takes the envelope.
“What’s this?”
“Eight hundred and twelve bucks,” Joey answers proudly.
Chandler proceeds to open the envelope. “Well, I don’t know what Big Leon told you, but it’s an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?”
“Well, I’m making money now and this is paying you back,” Joey explains, “for… head shots, electric bills and so many slices of pizza, I can’t even count. I love you, man.”
He slaps Chandler on the shoulder, smiling.
“Well, thanks, man,” Chandler grins, looking at the check. “Now I can get my pony.”
Chandler walks towards his bedroom, but Joey intervenes.
“Hey, this is a little extra something, for, ah… you know, always being there for me.”
Chandler looks at his friend. Joey hands him a small black velvet case. Chandler takes it, realizing this is kind of a special moment for Joey.
“Wow, I don’t know what to say.”
He opens the case, which contains a big, clunky, fake-gold bracelet, straight from the Mr. T-collection. Chandler looks at it in surprise, takes it out of the case and holds it up to see if it’s really as horrible as it looks. It is. And then some. “Wow, I don’t know what to say…” he repeats.
Joey is smiling like he gave away a piece of his soul.
“Well, whaddaya say?” he asks.
Chandler, still holding the tacky item aloft, is torn.
“I don’t know. It’s a bracelet.” he states, looking at it again and then looking at Joey, who is beaming.
“Isn’t it?” Joey says happily. “And it’s engraved too, check it out.”
He shows Chandler the engraving on the bracelet.
“’To my best bud.’”
Chandler’s initial response would have been to just put this disgusting piece of crap back in the case, thank Joey for it and never, ever open it again. But something stops him. This is apparently a very important moment for Joey and he doesn’t want to make it awkward, but he has to. The alternative is having to wear something that will definitely turn off women, not to mention every one else, just to be polite.
“Joe… listen.”
“What, don’t you like it? It’s classy, right?”
“Yeah, it is. But it’s not my kind of classy. Look at me. I work in a cubicle. I can’t pull this off.”
“Oh, no no, that’s the beauty part.” Joey says exitedly. “It goes with everything. You put this on… You’r good to go.” He snaps his fingers.
“Joe…” Chandler says softly. “It’s amazing you bought me this, really, It’s an amazing gesture… but it’s just not… for me.”
Joey looks sort of hurt. The bracelet, including engraving, must have cost more than the check he just handed Chandler.
“I appreciate the thought, for real, I love you, man, but I can’t accept it. It’s just not my taste. Please don’t take this the wrong way.”
“But… I wanted to give you something nice.” Joey says, looking thoroughly dejected.
“Joe, for real. Please take this back.”
Chandler puts the bracelet back in the case and hands it to Joey.
“I don’t want to feel awkward wearing a piece of jewelry I’m uncomfortable with. Do you understand? It would be like me giving you a T-shirt of the Celtics and expecting you to wear it.”
Joeys eyes widen. He definitely understands what Chandler means now. He stays quiet for a moment.
“Yeah… I get it.” Joey puts the case back in his jacket. “Sorry, man. I guess I misjudged.”
“Maybe when I grow up, I’ll learn what classy is AND be able to pull it off.” Chandler quips, slapping Joey on the shoulder.
“Yeah, maybe I’ll teach you.” Joey grins.
“Wanna play some foos?” Chandler points at the table.
Joey takes of his coat and smiles. “Yeah, I guess I can take the time to kick your ass.”
“You’re on, my man. Celtics versus Knicks. You be the Celtics.” Chandler says, fishing the little white ball from the slot he just shot it in.
“How about ‘no’.” Joey takes his place at the foosball table. “I’ll kick your ass as the Knicks, like always.”
“Alright, but I’m buying the pizza.”
(11/8/2021)